How Do They See Themselves?

By: Solomon Brenner
Author of Black Belt Parenting
 

Self-esteem is an important trait in your child’s development. The way a person views him or herself affects not only the way the rest of the world sees them, but also how far they will go in life. If children lack the self-esteem needed to even strive towards their goals, they are never going to reach them.


 One way children develop their self-esteem is through praise. For children, especially at a young age, this may be one of the only ways they can judge right from wrong. Praising children when they do something right, behave well or even give something their best effort will encourage them to continue acting that way.

Something you might try in your own home to help a child’s self-esteem is setting up a star chart, similar to what many school teachers do. If the child does a good deed or is especially good all day, they get a gold star on their chart. Each time they misbehave, a star is taken away. Set up a certain number of stars the child needs to reach in order to get a special prize like a trip to the park or their favorite dinner.

As your children pursue their goals, they will turn to you for help. Simply praising everything they do will leave them no room for growth. If you take on a method of constructive criticism that reflects the positive aspects of the children’s attempts but also gives suggestions for improvement, you will help them overcome obstacles that may get in the way of reaching their goals as well as give them a healthy self-esteem. Start by complimenting what a great job they’ve done, and then give them direction on how they can improve.

Letting your children be themselves is an important part of giving them high self-esteem. If you are judging them all the time, they will eventually come to view everyone’s judgment as a dictation of how they should act. They should learn that it doesn’t matter what other people think as long as you believe you are being true to yourself and doing the right thing.

To encourage individuality at a young age, let your children pick out which clothes they want to wear. As long as you make sure it is weather-appropriate, this is a great way for them to express themselves and get a sense of independence. Be sure to praise the great job they did, even if the clothes don’t exactly match. Letting children make harmless decisions when they are young is good practice for real decision making when they are older.

Self-esteem is not something that your children can learn. It is something that needs to be developed and nurtured in order to grow. You don’t want your child thinking he or she is better than everyone else, but having a strong sense of self-esteem in essential to your child’s success in life.
 



Solomon Brenner has been teaching martial arts to children and adults for ten years, and holds a 6th degree black belt in Kenpo Karate. During that time he has held countless seminars on subjects such as self-esteem in children and teens, behavior and discipline, praise vs. punishment, career motivation, goal setting, parenting, and self defense. He has spoken to elementary schools, women’s groups, scouting organizations, civic associations and corporate seminars. Using these experiences, he has recently authored Black Belt Parenting “the art of raising children for success”, a motivational how-to book for parents.

Solomon Brenner through his extensive research in human potential is a best selling Author, speaker and columnist on success and parenting he can be reached at Actionkarate@comcast.net or 267-939-0424
 

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By: Solomon Brenner
Author of Black Belt Parenting